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Posts Tagged ‘BJP’

The Shiney Ahuja episode carries on. Now more people are coming out in support of him. Someone said, “He didn’t smoke or drink.” I’m sure the maid feels better. “Gee, he raped me, but at least I didn’t get cigarette burns!”

Meanwhile, there’s much controversy over the tabling, in the house, of the Bardhan committee report on 26/11 attacks on Mumbai. The government is reluctant to table the report as is while the opposition is determined to have it tabled in the house as is. After furious negotiations, they have arrived at a compromise. Now the tabled report will be a much slimmer document and will read, “There were lapses.”

The Office of Expenditure is also being charged with lapses. There is much furore over their reinstatement of policy approving first class travel for leaders and bureaucrats. They are being accused of fiscal imprudence and gross misuse of tax payers’ money. I don’t understand what the fuss is about. They didn’t buy any ammo for the Mumbai police last year so it’s just a case of internal juggling of accounts, isn’t it?

Besides, it helps the cash-strapped Air India which hasn’t paid salaries. They did, however, spend twelve crores on crockery.  So what are they saying? “Hey, your plane is on autopilot as the pilot didn’t make it to work…but enjoy your pretty plates?”

On the subject of flying, someone, somewhere asked, “Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?” Good question, I thought. You are on a suicide mission, I don’t think it matters if your brains are splattered everywhere. And then someone said, “I don’t think they were helmets. They were flight caps and goggles.” This was even stupider, I thought. What were they afraid of? People are gonna say, “Looks like he was having a bad hair day, May he rest in peace?”

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So the verdict is out. Intercourse did take place between Shiney Ahuja and the maid and the whole industry is united in its condemnation of the incident. When he heard this, Ahuja broke down and cried, “It was the biggest mistake of my life.” When asked whether he admitted to the incident, Ahuja said, “Rape? I was talking about my earlier unreasonable and uppity behavior with the industry folk.”

A mistake. Really? I wonder what gave it away. When they started bandying about terms like ‘IPC section 376’ and ‘sexual assault?’

Anurag Basu is one of rare people who have come out in support of Ahuja. Calling Ahuja not only a colleague but a close personal friend, he said that Ahuja is a good husband and father and would never do something like that. When questioned about his strong defense of the accused, Basu said, “What do you expect me to say? Look how much trouble my comments on the Big B got me into.”

Shazahn Padamsee, the new Yashraj heroine starring opposite Ranbir Kapoor in Rocket Singh, is upset that a fake FB profile of hers is doing the rounds. Hearing about this, Minisha Lamba said, “I should be so lucky!”

In a complaint lodged with the cyber crime cell, Padamsee stated that someone has created a fake profile of hers and is using it to send abusive messages to industry people. Reacting to this, Anurag Kashyap said, “Now why didn’t I think of it?”

The turmoil in the BJP continues. During their ongoing chintan baithak, internal critics have said that BJP has distanced itself from its core beliefs. Reacting to this, Advani was heard grumbling to Rajnath Singh, “After all these years who the hell remembers core issues and beliefs?”

Sushama Swaraj also said that the situation in the BJP was volcanic. However, she added, the volcano was nearly extinct and in no danger of erupting anytime soon.

The Congress is doing away with feudal titles. They have advised their members to desist from using titles like Raja, Begum, Nizam, Nawab etc. The memo was signed by Contessa Sonia Gandhi.

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Hrithik Roshan has reportedly paid a whopping Rs. 45 crore (Rs. 450 million) for a plot of land in Juhu. Shows he’ll pay anything to get away from daddy. And SRK has gifted his bodyguard a flat in Bandra. You read about that? Seems like SRK’s bodyguard is getting married and when SRK found out, he decided to gift him an apartment next to Mannat. Shows he’ll pay anything to keep Salman away from him!

Oh, and Rakesh Roshan gave a statement about Hrithik’s land purchase deal. Did you read that? He said, “Hrithik is not moving out. He’s bought the plot as an investment.” And you know what he didn’t say? It’s an investment made on his behalf by the Banco Nacional de Mexico!

China has mocked India saying they can’t compete with us. And I was thinking they are so right. What’s the one thing we Indians are good at? Reproducing, right? And we can’t even compete there!

BJP,  yes the party of doddering old men, has been in discussions for the past few days to discuss the reasons for their dismal performance in the recent elections. One journalist parked outside noticed the noise levels inside rising and excitedly asked the Rajnath Singh, “They must have decided something by now.”

Rajnath Singh: Decided? No, we have just finished saying “Good Morning”.

Journalist: But it’s been going for hours.

Rajnath Singh: You must understand, young journo, it takes a long time to say anything in Old BJPish. We never say anything unless it’s worth taking a long time to say.

It’s scary how many similarities there are between the BJP and the Ents of the LOTR.

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